It has been 13 years since I went through my Train the New Trainer in Quebec with Bill Miller, Terri Moyers and David Rosengren. I look back on that experience as the most acute case of Impostor Anxiety I have ever had. I had read the book, watched the 6 hour video and because of ordering that video set, I ended up on a mailing list from CASAA. A brochure advertising the TNT came, and I thought "Well, I think I meet some of this criteria and if not, they will turn me down."
They did not turn me down and my Impostor Anxiety skyrocketed. I sat in that training room for 3 days and not a minute went by when I did not think the MI Police were going to come in and bust me for impersonating an MI practitioner/trainer. I was so quiet and scared in that training that Terri Moyers jokes that she doesn't think I was really there. At this point in my life, folks must notice me and at that time, they did not.
Thank the Lord and pass the basket. I am grateful to the MINT and most of all to all the very cool people I have met, been trained by or have trained. I just got back from Manhattan, Kansas, where I did a one day "MI Booster" along with a MITI Coding Booster. That group rocked. For the first time in years, I did not use PowerPoint. I admit that I am PPT Dependent. Perhaps that will be in the DSM-V, if it ever comes out.
That freed me up professionally and personally. I used to worry not only about whether I sounded like I knew what I was talking about but I would also worry about whether there were boogers in my nose or if everyone would judge me for having gained 30 pounds in the last year. I guess I am not so important that folks focus on my body or my nose. We talked about the recent changes in the MI world, as well as other interventions and research that is going on in the field of Behavior Change. We did experiential stuff, watched YouTube and focused on skills acquisition. You do not need PPT for acquiring and tweaking skills. Can you imagine that?
Technology is great only when it works. In the past 3 years, I have come to accept that I require human being contact. I had been doing a great deal of teaching and training online, and had developed some skills along that line. It just is not as fun as being with human beings. I still offer online trainings, and right now am focusing on online MITI 3.1 Coding trainings as the demand for that is high right now. I went through my MITI Coding training with Jen Manual Knapp several years ago with Glenn Hinds in Derry, Ireland. I sensed that it would become more popular as it seemed as though it taught the MI alphabet so I could finally understand the MI "book" or technique/philosophy. I wanted to learn it because I wanted to get better at MI. I thought my Impostor Anxiety would go away completely yet that only happens when I don't let my ego get the better of me. I have a friend who says "Keep your pedestal close to the ground so it won't hurt so much when you fall off." Ouch and right.
I am so OK with being imperfect. I only ask that if you do see a booger on my nose that you let me know. I love people who tell me my zipper is down or there is a booger on my nose. They are the bestest people.
Now, I am embarking on another chapter of a new skill acquisition. This weekend, I will be going through the first of two weekend trainings of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reintegration) and I have not read the books yet. I am going because I was a "naysayer" of EMDR for the last 15 years until I recently experienced 2 sessions of EMDR myself with a seasoned EMDR practitioner. I still am unclear as to what happened in those sessions. It reminded me of "Wakeful Dreaming" back in the day of Ericksonian hypnotherapy.
All I know is that EMDR helped me shift in a way that I could barely hope for, let alone predict that it would do me any good. I just know that the useless stuff in my head seemed to go away. I may be the only person who has a hamster running around on a wheel inside my head (especially at night) yet other people have told me they have hamsters, too. I named mine "Jacque Hamster", and I learned to invite her to take a break from her very busy day and lay down to rest on a cool bed I made for her. She sighs and goes to sleep, and so do I.
Talk about stream of consciousness. Yikes.
I just bought the 3rd edition of the MI book and am looking forward to reading it though it will have to wait until after I read the two required EMDR books that must be completed in 6 days. I better order them on Amazon.
I will be done teaching full time at Dominican University in May of this year, and am hoping to find another full time job. I would love to teach/train/do clinical work and who knows where I will end up. I think I would be very good as a greeter at WalMart, and that may be where I end up. All work is honorable.
